We can’t pick a favorite team for the Big 12 Tournament, but we figured these jokes that have crossed our paths would help everyone get through the wins, losses, ups and downs of the tourney. No one’s safe from being the butt of a bad joke – here’s some Big 12 team humor to lighten the mood!
University of Kansas Jayhawks
A KU fan walks into a Lawrence bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jayhawk jersey and helmet, and festooned with Kansas pom-poms.
The bartender says, “Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You’ll have to leave!”
The KU fan begs him: “Look, I’m desperate. We’re both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can watch the Kansas-Nebraska football game!”
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar to watch the game. The big game begins with the Jayhawks receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at the 30, and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says, “Wow, that is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! What does that dog do if Kansas scores a touchdown?”
The owner replies, “I don’t know, I’ve only had him for 3 years.”
Baylor University Bears
A Baylor student was visiting a relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the tired line, “Where do y’all go to school?” The co-ed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl but did answer his question.
“Yale,” she replied.
The Baylor student took a big deep breath and shouted, “WHERE DO Y’ALL GO TO SCHOOL!?”
Colorado University Buffaloes
Q: What does the average Colorado basketball player get on his SAT?
Iowa State University Cyclones
It’s been reported that they found a skeleton on the Iowa State campus.
It was the 1967 hide and seek champion.
Kansas State University Wildcats
The other day at the bus station, a Nebraska Cornhuskers fan approached a man and said, “I’ll bet you’re from Kansas State University.”
“Why yes, I am,” answered the Kansas State Wildcats grad. “How could you tell? Was it my good looks, my debonair charm, or my trendy taste in clothing?”
“None of those things,” replied the Husker. “I saw the KSU class ring as you were picking your nose.”
University of Missouri Tigers
A Missouri Tiger football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily the manager of the WalMart came out and unplugged it in time!
University of Nebraska Cornhuskers
Q: How do you keep a Nebraska player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball goal.
Oklahoma University Sooners
A young ventriloquist is touring Oklahoma and stops to entertain at a bar in Norman, Oklahoma. He’s doing his usual stupid redneck jokes when an OU linebacker in the audience stands up and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your smart mouth redneck jokes; we ain’t all stupid here in Oklahoma.”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the OU linebacker pipes up: “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to the smart alec little fella on your knee!”
Oklahoma State University Cowboys
Q : How do you come to own a small business in Oklahoma?
A : Start a large business and put an OSU grad in charge of it.
University of Texas Longhorns
Hear about the Longhorn fan who lost $50 on the football game?
He lost $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
Texas A&M University Aggies
A Texas A&M Aggie went to the Louisiana Bayou to buy a pair of genuine alligator boots.
After becoming frustrated with the high prices, the Aggie told the shopkeeper: “I’ll go catch my own alligator and get some boots without payin’ these big-city prices!”
Determined as ever, the Aggie turned and headed for the swamps. Later that day as the shopkeeper drove by, he saw the Aggie standing waist deep in the swamp with shotgun in hand. Just then, a 9-foot gator swam toward the Texan. The Aggie took aim, shot the critter and hauled it to shore. Laying nearby was a pile of dead alligators.
The Aggie flipped the gator over and shouted in frustration: “Dang it all! This alligator ain’t wearin’ any boots either!”
Texas Tech University Masked Riders
Texas Tech Computer Terminology:
- Logon – Makin the wood stove hotter
- Download – Gettin the farwood off the truck
- Floppy disk – What you get from carrying too much farwood
- Hard Drive – Gettin yer pickup home from the bar
- Windows – What to shut when it’s cold outside
- Chip – Vittles to eat when yer sitting in front of the TV
- Modem – Whatcha done to the hayfields
- Dot Matrix – Bubba Matrix’s wife
- Lapgop – Where the tom cat sleeps
- Software – Those dang plastic forks and spoons
- Mouse – The reason you put out the D-Con
- Main frame – The part that holds up the barn roof
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The women of CollegiateCamo have been talking, and in an effort to reclaim all that is man, we are going to be producing a multi-part blog for how to get back to the origin of man without stepping back too far in time. The damage must be undone somehow. This is a social commentary on the grooming habits of the current man – as written by a woman.
Prior to my parlay into the outdoors industry a few years ago, I noticed a shocking change in American men. A new aroma was rising in our men, and this one was unfamiliar and a little bit creepy, like the smell of musk mixed with the smell of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls. These observations were disturbing to say the least.
What happened to our men over the last decade? To examine the opposite gender, I had to first examine myself. I am not a girly-girl. I’m a pro-active, get things done, do this, do that, get business taken care of alpha-female. In clinical terms I am a highly-effective female. I like guns, fast cars, Chevy trucks, playing music and my most favorite and least favorite to admit — fruity rum. So, as societal standards go, I’m not your traditional female. I’d rather discuss the inner workings of a small block Chevy motor than what happened on the high-rated TV drama from last night.
So, now I examine the men. Their places are tidy, styled and painted. Their hair has more “product” than I will allow in mine in a week. Is that eyeliner (“guyliner”) I see on him? I think it’s that tattooed on eyeliner I keep hearing about. I’m going to call it perma-guyliner. I shake a man’s hand, it is softer than mine. I’m standing in line to get a burger and I overhear a man talk about his feelings. What? How did this happen? Where did all the real men go? When did they start having public therapy sessions?
Some men (and I use the term men loosely at times here) are waxed, plucked, shaved, styled, groomed into what is now being referred to as “manscaping.” I’m having a hard time believing that they are doing this on their own accord. I believe every disgruntled girlfriend or wife in America had a secret meeting with network executives for television shows and came to the consensus that men needed to be changed. They put their plan into place and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy was put into production and when it premiered, I heard a caveman cry.